|
|
Lighter Side
Some of my Dating Rules by Ron Simmons
Understanding Women
A husband asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear - everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size!"
The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still going to be wrong.
Normal
How sad is this?
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than
500 employees and has the following statistics:
29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.
13 Reasons to Smiles |
Hope this makes you smile......
EVER WONDER
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor,
while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your
money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a
"new &improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole
plane out of the material used for the
indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal"
if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that
the human race is doomed because of
stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(darn, and that's the only
time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)!
On "Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to
stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once,
it's your turn to spread the stupidity
and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle).
We all need to smile every once in a while.
Let us know how you liked our growing Mini-Web
contact us
 |
